Did you find some unqualified professionals living in your head who could save your writing day? If you’re thinking, “what do you mean by pros in my head?” Pop over to part 1 to catch up.

If you’re struggling with this activity, why not let your inner child (creative self) take over? To help, I’ve lined up 8 more candidates who’ve botched life projects but can shine in the writing world. Ready to meet them?

Here we go…

The magician

magician_500x300

Wows audiences with slight of hand, mentalism and disappearing acts.

If you’re struggling to think of a pro in your head, this one’s for you. I bet we all have a magician in our heads who pulls off some not-so-wow tricks.

Mine waves her magic spoon and makes all the peanut butter transfer from the jar to my belly. Ta-da!

We can call on our magicians for a little slight of hand when facing a new type of writing. I bet they can make us look like experts despite not knowing what the f*** we’re doing.

The chef

Chef_500x300A master at creating Instagram-worthy dishes.

If a dish calls for more than 2 steps, the chef in my head is out! Literally. Picking up take-out or a frozen pizza. If she penned a cookbook, we could call it, If It Can’t Be Microwaved, It Can’t Be Done.

I bet I can count on her to stop me from addressing theme, voice, story, dialog, metaphors, grammar and punctuation all at once. A one step recipe for each writing day. That’s what she’ll create for me.

The entrepreneur

Entrepreneur_500x300A master at fighting off shiny-object syndrome by focusing on a single business enterprise from start to finish.

Mine’s a dabbler. An idea girl. Although I haven’t heard from her in a couple of years. Did I offend her? Our last conversation went something like this…

Dabbler: So what you’re telling me is you want to generate steady income so you don’t have to vacate your apartment in the middle of the night.
Me: Yes. Can you help me?
Dabbler: Where’s the adventure in that? You hate predictability. It’s boring.
Me: I know, but this may be my one exception. I have this idea –
Dabbler: What?
Me: For a way to help peeps suffering from writer’s block.
Dabbler: No. I mean. What!? Why are you stealing my job?

That’s it. I haven’t heard from her since. Too bad. I’d love to call on her when my idea coffers need refilling.

The bodega manager

Bodega_500x300Known for keeping their one-stop mom-and-pop shop stocked with the essentials – groceries, booze, flowers and sandwiches.

The one in my head is a minimalist who loves white space. Looking for a bagel & Lox? Forget it. Mustard? You’re in luck. If there’s beer and condiments in the refrigerated section, she considers it stocked.

I bet I can call on her to ensure reading this blog doesn’t feel like gnawing on rawhide.

The therapist

Therapist_500x300Excels at asking questions to help clients work through problems.

The one in my head is more of a rationalizer in residence who encourages me to lie down on the couch…for a nap…not to talk through my blocks.

Has yours ever offered this advice?

Not feeling this writing thing today? No worries. That’s why they invented tomorrow.

Not quite up against a deadline, yet? Great. Here’s a list of busy-work that isn’t going to take care of itself.

Can’t move past the first sentence until it’s perfect? Grab Coffee. Staring at the same sentence always feels better with your paws wrapped around a warm cup of joe.

Wait a second. This looks like the handiwork of my gremlin, 10-Tunner. He cruises my head looking for ways to sabotage my writing day. Does this remind you of yours, too?

We can’t possibly keep them on staff. All together now, “You’re fired!”

The travel agent

TravelAgent_500x300

Stitches together a tight itinerary with no detail left to chance.

According to mine, if the plane, train or bus tickets are booked, the trip’s planned. Free Spirit sees lodging, activities and packing as minor details that can be handled the night before departure or in transit.

Do you think she could keep me from overthinking my writing projects? I bet she’d pick a topic and just write. Then she’d work out details like structure, research and editing. Sounds soooo relaxing, don’t you think?

The tailor

Tailor_500x300Can alter any garment into a perfect fit.

Mine mends a missing button by donating the article and buying a new one. Or she calls on a safety pin to sub in.

If double-sided tape can’t fix the fit, then nothing can…that’s how she rolls. A fieldtrip to a neighbor’s shed or garage helps her scavenge what she needs to alter…well, nothing wearable.

But I admire her resourcefulness and enthusiasm. I’m going to call on her to infuse that into limp prose that’s missing that je ne sais quoi.

The surf instructor

SurfInstructor_500x300

Can teach anyone, even the uncoordinated, to ride a wave.

I’ve never surfed…making this the least qualified pro chilling in my head. Yet, this one’s the most important. Why?

Because when I’m stuck. Really stuck. Fielding the kind of day where I can’t write a sentence worthy of an I Can Read book. I throw up my arms and concede “That’s it. I quit. I’m becoming a surf instructor.”

That’s my cue to leave my writing space and let my over-active imagination play with images of my future as a surf instructor. Meanwhile my subconscious takes on my writing challenge.

Eventually a light clicks on. And I sprint back to my laptop and write.

Thanks ridiculous backup career ;-)

There you go, 16 candidates who botch their traditional trade but could be called on to save the writing day. Do any resonate? Or did you discover a troop of your own? Share in the comments section for a chance to win a Ditch The Block challenge. Your choice.

Block-ditching Resources

An online field trip to Pixabay, a gallery of amazing royalty-free images, and my go-to spot for Write 50 media elements

playbook and game that challenges you to self-coach yourself through your writing blocks

Write 50’s Ditch The Block: The Write Your Words 7-Day Challenge

2 thoughts on “8 MORE Unqualified Professionals Who Can Save Your Writing Projects

  1. Volkswagen camper for the “surf instructor”? What if it was meant as a food truck for the “chef in your head”? Just askin’ ???? GREAT READ- thank you!

  2. Great question, Laurel. I’m pretty sure the chef in my head moonlights as a surf instructor. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Anyhow, it’s quite possible the VW doubles as a food truck;-) Glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for the comment:-)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.